Having got through the disappointments of the last couple of months, this week was the week that I picked myself up and began to evaluate where I was.
I realised that:
- I really hadn’t been enjoying running for quite a while. I had found it really hard going and demotivating. The concrete measures about my distance and speed didn’t match up to what I know I can do and the mental feedback wasn’t a lot better. Sure my legs didn’t physically ache after the longer runs but that just underlined how the different parts of my body were simply not in synch. It was just not happening for me.
- I was able to admit that nagging feeling deep down that I hadn’t really been well since February.
- I had probably been expecting too much of myself – too many hard runs, a demanding job, a demanding family life and my many commitments outside of that all contributed to the situation that I found myself in.
- I had done something that was really brave and exciting when I shared my story and experiences with the paper – I am still meeting people who are pleased and amazed that I did it.
- I have another whole year to prepare myself for the marathon.
In fact I think that I am really lucky. I have the opportunity to learn from before, to really savour the whole year-long journey, to possibly have another article somewhere else to help raise the awareness of PND and, more than ever, to prolong the amazing expectations as long as I can. The people who I have spoken too that have done it are generally of the view that I am lucky to have a second chance and if they could do it all again, they would.
I have already started along this road and will share more details as we go along. At the moment it is enough to say that I have been out running and feel as if I am getting back to my former self. For me, at the moment, that is enough. Underneath it all however, there are bigger changes beginning to happen. I am very excited and promise to share my journey with you. But for now I have whittled on long enough. See you all very soon. x